101 Ways to Die of Embarrassment
by hanyouinlove
Summary: I, Ginevra Molly Weasley, do solemnly swear that I am a complete and utter loon... Collection HPGW


**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, only the plot!**

**a/n: For the 'Love and Laughter' Challenge. (Yay first challenge fic!!) Series of one-shots all HPGW. The chapter order might change later on as I begin to update more, so just keep that in mind. Review please!**

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The day had started out promising. I had woken up earlier than usual and was pleasantly surprised to see that Harry had as well. We had shared a quiet, if somewhat awkward breakfast together until Ron had come downstairs in nothing but his knickers complaining that Fred had magicked all his pants so that they would shock him when he tried putting them on.

The day has been moving in a steadily downward direction since then.

While Hermione, Ron, and Harry were allowed to spend their day out in the yard playing a pick-up game of Quidditch against Fred and George, I was confined to the house, helping mum with her past due "spring cleaning". Of course, mum had to go run some errands, leaving me to clean the whole house from top to bottom by myself.

It was all Ron's fault, really. If he hadn't put itching powder in my bra, then I wouldn't have had to hex him, and mum wouldn't have had to walk into the room to see what all the fuss was about, and she wouldn't have had to punish me. See, it was all Ron's fault; I'm just an innocent bystander.

So here I am in the attic, "cleaning". Mostly, I'm just sorting through old boxes, some of which I don't think have seen the light of day since before Bill was born. The exceedingly sucky day did, however, take a turn for the better when I found a really embarrassing baby picture Ron, naked in the bathtub, playing with himself. After having a good chuckle, I folded the picture up and put it in my pocket. I do believe this will come in handy one of these days...

I pushed that ravaged box to the side and reached for the next one, but stopped. The side was marked 'Fred and George' in mum's neat script, but under that, one of the twins had scribbled, 'all who open will be cursed for an eternity'. I rolled my eyes and opened the box anyway.

Inside were more boxes piled haphazardly one on top of the other. I pulled one out curiously and inspected it. It was pink, about the shape of a matchbook and wrapped in plastic. The front read 'gum!' in neon green bubble letters and had a drawing of a kid in a baseball cap blowing a huge, orange bubble. The overall effect of the packaging was enough to give you a headache. I turned it over once more and stared at it in the palm of my hand. It probably wasn't a good idea to eat anything that had been in a box marked 'Fred and George', but I figured since 'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes' wasn't plastered all over the box, it was fairly safe to give it a try. Chances were this box hadn't been touched in years. And if something happened, at the very least, it could get me out of cleaning.

So I opened the 'gum!' and shook a few pieces out onto my hand. Despite the colourful box, the gum itself was white. I took a deep breath and popped one into my mouth. Nothing happened. I chewed it a few times. Nothing happened.

I relaxed and released a breath I didn't realize I had been holding; just a tad disappointed that nothing had blown up in my face or burnt my tongue. The gum didn't even taste all that good. I sighed and closed the flaps of the 'Fred/George' box and pushed it to the side, and reached for the next box, marked 'Arthur'. The first thing I pulled out of that box was a powder blue tuxedo and matching fedora. "Well _this_ should be promising…"

"Hey."

Harry's voice startled me and I dropped the suit and hat back into the box. A cloud of dust arose from it and got caught in my throat. "Hi. cough cough What's cough up?"

He shrugged and sat down next to me, his legs crossed. "Nothing, really. I just wanted to see how you were doing." He fiddled with the flap of the 'Arthur' box.

I looked down and immediately turned red. Damn my mother and father for birthing such blush-susceptible children! "It's not that bad. Just a lot of crap up here." I chanced a glance in his direction.

"Your breath smells really good," he blurted suddenly, his own face turning a faint shade of pink.

I gave him a puzzled look. "It does? Really?" I held a cupped hand up to my mouth and breathed into it. "I don't smell anything."

Harry shook his head. "That never works. Here." He sat up on his knees and leaned forward, putting his nose next to my mouth, and sniffed.

I swallowed and willed my cheeks not to get any redder. "What's it smell like?" I asked softly. I could feel his nose brush against my lips. It was sort of weird, but I sort of liked it at the same time. I've been told I'm a strange kid.

"Like… flowers." I was disappointed to see him pull away from my mouth and once again settle himself a respectable distance away from my face. "Like the flowers that you have in your yard." He shrugged.

I snorted. "Well then I'm _positive_ that this isn't one of Fred and George's creations. If it was, it'd smell like dirt or Crookshanks's litter." I pulled the 'Fred/George' box over to me and then pushed it to Harry, the boxes of gum rattling.

He opened the flaps and looked inside. His eyes widened as he pulled out one of the fluorescent packages. "You _ate_ something that came out of a box marked," he read the words written on the side of the box, " 'Fred and George all who open will be cursed for an eternity'?"

I shrugged and leaned towards him a little. "Wanna try?" I raised my eyebrows and picked a box of gum out from the bigger box. I held it before his face and shook it. "Or are you _scared_?" I smiled at him.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Course I'm not _scared_," he said as he took the box from my hand. He popped the tab and reached a thumb and forefinger inside the box, scooping out a little, white candy. He held it between us and stared at it.

"Well… What are you waiting for?" I joked.

He smirked and tossed the gum in his mouth, pausing before chewing, just as I had. "Hmm…" he mumbled. " Not too bad." He chewed a little longer. "What's it smell like to you?"

I leaned towards his mouth as he exhaled, a wave of peppermint hitting my nose. "Mint candy," I told him.

He sat back and gave me a funny look. "Really?" I nodded and he replied, "That's odd."

I shrugged and folded the box flaps down once again. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Harry rubbing his hands on his thighs and looking around the attic in attempts to avoid catching my eye.

"I know," I said so suddenly Harry jumped. I laughed and continued, "Let's see who can blow the biggest bubble."

"Alright," he nodded. "You first." He crossed his legs again and leaned back, his arms outstretched, watching me from over his glasses.

In answer to him, I smoothed the gum against the roof of my mouth and then pushed it against my teeth, opening my mouth and blowing into the gum, giving Harry a smug look all the while.

I blew for about two seconds before the whole thing exploded in my face.

Harry fell back onto his elbows in surprise. I reached up to make sure all of my face was still there. My hands came back covered in white gum, some strings still attached to my face. "Oh. My. God," I breathed, looking from my hand to Harry. He stared back at me wide-eyed for a few moments before turning his head and spitting his own gum out onto the attic floor.

"Go get-."

"Fred and George. Right," Harry finished for me as he scrambled to his feet. He bolted through the door and down the stairs. I sat still, worried that if I moved too much, I'd only make it worse. My hand was still out in front of me, the strings of gum lengthening and separating, sticking to my forearm. I grimaced.

"She did _what_?!" I heard Fred and George exclaim simultaneously from downstairs. I sighed. This day was only getting better and better and it wasn't even lunch yet. The floor shook as, presumably, Fred, George, Harry, Ron, and Hermione thundered up the stairs like a pack of wild animals.

Fred and George burst through the door at the same time, one falling on top of the other. Hermione and Ron stopped just short of tripping over the twins, both hanging off of either side of the doorframe. Harry hung back in the hallway, still with a shocked look plastered on his face. I groaned inwardly. I really didn't want him to see me like this.

"What the _hell_?" Ron asked me, stepping over Fred and George, who were busy untangling themselves from one another. He reached out a hand to touch the gum that covered my face.

"Ron!" Hermione stepped forward and snatched his hand away from me. "Don't touch it. You'll only make it worse, I'm sure." She gave him a scathing look.

Ron rolled his eyes, but took his hand away nonetheless, shoving it, along with his other, into his pockets. "Thanks, _mum_."

"She's right though," said Fred as he stood up and brushed dust and lint from the attic floor off the front of his shirt.

"Yes, Ronnie-kins," George agreed as he stood next to his brother.

"You'll only make it worse," they said together with synchronized scolding hand motions. It's like they practice or something…

"Excuse me," I began indignantly. "I'd hate to interrupt this little get together, but this gum is kinda taking over my face." Indeed the gum had gotten bigger. I could feel it inching down my neck and into my hair every passing second.

"Riiight. Almost forgot," Fred said, slapping the palm of his hand against his forehead as he turned away from Ron to face me. "DON'T MOVE, WHATEVER YOU DO!" he screamed suddenly, causing everyone in the room to jump, and Ron to even fall backwards against a stack of precariously perched boxes.

"The more you move the bigger it gets," added George.

Hermione bent down and studied my face, her hands folded politely behind her back. "What _is _it?" she asked the twins, her face twisted into an unpleasant look of disgust.

"Well, technically," began George.

"It's gum," finished Fred with a smug smile. "Made it as a prototype a few years ago."

"Weasley's Monster Chew Exploding Chewing Gum!" they exclaimed together, throwing their arms around one another's shoulders.

"Better chew it before it chews you," Fred leaned over and mock whispered in Hermione's ear. She swatted him away with her hand and shot him a frustrated look.

I folded my arms across my chest, no longer concerned if I got the sticky gum on my shirt, seeing as it was attempting to cover my whole body anyway. "That's lovely and all, but how do I get it _off my face_?!"

"You see little sister," George started, his arm pausing halfway to my shoulders, and then returning to his side as he regarded the gum with a grimace of distaste. "You really shouldn't have been snooping in our stuff in the first place." He smiled toothily at me.

"I wasn't _snooping_!" I snapped. "I was _cleaning_, something I bet you've never even considered in your entire life!" Which was true. Their room already looked like a post-apoplectic wasteland of vast proportions and they had only been home for a few days. Lucky for me, my punishment didn't including playing maid for Fred and George, otherwise I might just have to kill myself lest I be eaten by some foul creature that lives under their beds and survives on crumbs and bits of crust that they leave laying about.

Fred held his hands in front of him. "Calm down, little sister. There's a reversal spell. No worries!" He reached into his pocket for his wand and held it before him like a maestro preparing the orchestra for a show. Very clandestinely, he bent down and whispered in my ear, "Just don't tell mum."

I frowned. "Alright, just hurry up with it. The gum is moving up my nose." Ron snickered at this, but stopped abruptly when Hermione cast him a dirty look. Good girl. I knew she was on my side.

Fred and George both closed their eyes and held their wands pointed at my face. After a few moments of silence, in which everyone waited with bated breath, both said, _"Coma puniceus!"_

I felt the gum slowly release its death grip on my face and arms. I took a deep breath and smiled. "That's better," I mumbled as I inspected my hands where the gum had been.

Fred smiled meekly. "Erm… Not quite…"

I looked up at him. "What do you mean 'not quite'?" My gaze shifted from him to George, who looked away and pretended to whistle, to Ron, who was having trouble hiding his laughter discreetly behind his hands, to Harry, who just looked godsmacked, then to Hermione, who gave me a look of pity in reply.

"Here," she said to me as she conjured up a small pocket mirror with her own wand. I took the mirror gratefully in both hands and studied my reflection. It didn't take much scrutiny to figure out what they meant by 'not quite'.

"My hair is _purple_!" I said. I dropped the mirror into my lap where it vanished with another wave of Hermione's wand. "You flaming _idiots_!" I screamed as I launched myself at both Fred and George. I caught George around the neck and held him in a headlock while twisting his hair fiercely. Fred disappeared on the spot with a loud 'pop'. Not long after, his brother followed suit, saying a quick, "Sorry," and giving a salute before he too disapparated in my arms.

Ron could not longer contain himself and fell to the ground in a fit of laughter. I could see Harry smiling softly as he leaned against the doorframe, his arms folded and his legs crossed at the ankles. Well, at least he wasn't laughing _too _hard at me. I'd hate for him to strain himself.

"You're next!" I said to Ron, pointing a finger threateningly in his general direction, but Hermione grabbed me by the hand before I could do anything and forced me to sit back down on the floor. She positioned herself next to me as she released my hand.

"Calm down. I can fix this," she said to me as she rubbed my back comfortingly.

"I sure hope you can," I said as I leaned my head against her shoulder. "You know, this has all been rather embarrassing," I whispered in her ear, pointing subtly at Harry.

"Of course," she assured me with a final pat on the back. Once again, she drew her wand from her jacket pocket and said _"__Ordinarius!" _with a flourish. She smiled and pocketed her wand. "See there? All better!"

I grabbed a fist-full of my hair. My normal, red hair. I was so happy, I could have cried. I embraced Hermione for the briefest of moments and whispered my thanks in her ear before initiating my attack on Ron with a well-aimed hex from my own wand. He dodged, the bugger, and darted out of the attic.

As I was following after him, Harry stopped me at the door and said quietly, "You know, the purple hair kinda worked for you."

Me being, well, of course, me, turned red in response and avoided the conversation altogether, instead choosing to call out, "I know where you live, Ronald Weasley!" as opposed to "Well, thank you Harry. I really do appreciate it," before charging after Ron in a fit of blind fury.


End file.
